This week's lesson on pride really hit home for me. I had a friend a long time ago that asked me "do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" This was pertaining to a conversation we were having about our husbands never saying, "I'm sorry," or refusing to apologize when they knew they were in the wrong. I was feeling like a proverbial doormat so to speak and was complaining. Why am I always the one who has to go first? Why does he think he is always right?
When I think of this topic it reminds me of a common comedy sketch done by Abbot and Costello about who's on first (base). It deals with a baseball game that they are trying to explain to each other and neither one can convey their communication correctly. It is on you-tube if you want to check it out. It's excellent and an example of miscommunication. I recently reread a talk given by President Ezra Taft Bensen given in 1989. He makes a remark that is enlightening and timely. "The proud stand more in fear of men's judgment than God's judgment."(quoting D&C 3:6-7and D&C 30:1-2) He gives examples of how a person might do this, but I restate the questions I previously asked my friend. This was a lightning bolt moment for me.
It occurred to me, why not go first, in fact, how about always being first. I want to be happy and I want to be more Christlike. I can apologize by not taking the blame by stating " I'm sorry you forgot or I'm sorry that had to happen to you." I can show not to be at fault or show contempt along with having a repairing attitude. John M. Gottman, Ph.D. teaches how to validate your spouse's emotions. "Let your partner know that his or her feelings make sense to you. "That would have me worried too" or "I can see why you would be annoyed at that." (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Pg. 100) I would add, "that happens to me all the time, can I help." So, in these circumstances when I feel offended, I can be a helper instead and remember; it's just fine if I'm always first.
No comments:
Post a Comment