Are you really pulling more weight?

       

                                 Draft Horse Pulling contest                                                            

       This weekend my husband and I attended the Livestock Fair here in Cedar City, Utah.

One of the contests at the fair was the Draft Pull. In this contest, both draft horses must work together to pull an enormous amount of weight for a complete circuit around the arena. The fastest team wins. Before the race started an announcer had us ask questions and we learned a little about the horses, their owners and the disposition about the horses and what makes a great team.

       It was interesting when I heard that most of the time the inside horse is the hardest working and typically the same horse. Most of the time the "inside horse" has been trained to know when to hold back so the outside horse can make larger steps. These pivots or smaller steps ensure the horses work as a team and the heavy load can be pulled in unison. In reading this week about the "bids" for affection that we and our spouses make to each other made me think of these draft horses. 

       John M. Gottman writes in his book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work", "It only takes a small gesture to led to another and then another. "Turning toward" operates under a law of positive feedback.." (pg.89) As I turn toward my husband during his "bids" for affection I start a chain reaction. Gottman uses the snowball effect to explain this process and as I concentrated on doing it I was amazed at how easy it was. Believe me, most of the time I was screaming in my head of what I wanted to do, but I kept with the process and was surprised how my husband would "turn to me" almost immediately. 

       We have to travel large distances because of my husbands work at times and the music or audiobooks are his decision, no questions asked. This week as we pulled out of the drive-way I made a comment about the choice and he switched it to my liking almost immediately. I was completely stunned. The drive was completely harmonious. On the eternal side of "turning toward" my husband, I was reminded by President Ezra Taft Benson "when we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." (Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage by H. Wallace Goddard; Pg. 57) I love the concept of "dropping out of our lives." Does this mean that I no longer care about the petty things that used to concern me or does my spouse pay attention more to not doing the petty things? Either way, we will be pulling in the same direction.