The Family Christmas Tree

                              The Family Christmas Tree

                          

                                Tinsel                                                           No Tinsel




I titled this blog, The Family Christmas Tree because that was the first and biggest hurdle, we had to handle during our first year of marriage. Harper and Olsen comment about how "marrying into a family with different values can be a challenge." Boy, oh boy, they are not kidding! My husband grew up with a huge tree, tinsel to cover the whole tree in which you couldn't even recognize the ornaments and so many presents, one would think everyone in the town was getting one.

 I, on the other hand, grew up with a smaller tree which was sometimes flocked a different color because I had an amazing fun grandmother. We always gathered at her house Christmas Eve and several days a week. We opened all family presents Christmas Eve while enjoying homemade candies, pies and listening to Andy Williams Christmas music. My husband's family opened one present on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning was digging through a pile of wrapping paper which included wrapped toothbrushes and underwear.

I shouldn't say our first Christmas because it was small, and I loved it. I gave him a razor and he gave me silverware. The ones that followed, however, were tense. He covered the tree with tinsel and I would remove it. He used garland and I would take it off and wrap it around a pole outside. You get the picture. For the past 30 years, our tree has had our children's homemade ornaments on it along with some that survived our moving around. We are less and less enthused about even putting it up. In fact, this year, it is outside by the front door covered with lovely white lights but without any ornaments. I will probably add some ornaments this week, and just a little tinsel. Merry Christmas Everyone!


* Harper, J. M. &Olsen, S.F. (2005). "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families."
              In C.H. Hart, L.D. Newell, E. Walton &D.C. Dollahite (Eds.), Ch. 37.
*https://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images?p=images+of+garish+christmas+trees+covered+in+tinsel: Retrieved
             Dec. 09, 2018.
 *https://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images?p=image+of+nice+christmas+tree&fr=mcafee&imgurl=
              http%3A%2F%2Fmedia-cache-ak0.pinimg.com: Retrieved Dec. 09, 2018

Out of the House! Make it a good thing.

Bye Bye, please come back for a visit.

I must admit, I was a control freak, but when it came time for my children to go, I was ready!

I taught them all about the gospel I could. We held Family Home Evenings, read the scriptures, had strict home hours and my husband and I went to all of their sports, music, and extracurriculars. We taught them to be responsible by having chores and getting jobs and held "video gaming" to a minimum.

About 10 years ago, I heard a new age had started where college kids were returning home, and "finding themselves." We asked our children what they thought would happen if they would have done it? Our two older children replied, "we would have had to find ourselves working at Del Taco." Del Taco is a fast food place close by in many neighborhoods in Southern California.

Reading this part of President Kimball's conference talk really helps me understand the "out on your own" concept. 


"Frequently, people continue to cleave unto their mothers and their fathers, and their chums. Sometimes, mothers will not relinquish the hold they have had upon their children, and husbands as well as wives return to their mothers and fathers to obtain advice and counsel and to confide, whereas cleaving should be to the wife in most things, and all intimacies should be kept in great secrecy and privacy from others… Your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks. You love them more than ever, you cherish their counsel, you appreciate their association, but you live your own lives, being governed by your decisions, by your own prayerful considerations after you have received the counsel from those who should give it "(Spencer W. Kimball, March 1977 Ensign, pp. 4, 5)

When my husband and I raised our children, we thought it was an honor to us to be able to watch them make decisions on their own as they grew and progressed. When they had questions or doubts we would help them weigh the pros and cons, but we told them "you must choose." It has been so fun to observe.
I often think of my Heavenly parents and how they must have cried over several of my decisions, and at the same time cheered me on during my righteous ones.

I seriously don't know what the difference is today from 30 years ago, except, coming back home was not an option, and no one wanted to go back home in the first place. Being out on your own meant you were a grown-up, and it didn't matter if you ate mac and cheese and slept on the floor in a sleeping bag, you were on your own (married or not) and you (I) loved it!